


Let Me Take Care of You

by Lazy Cat Corner (Gummyyummy156)



Series: Valki One-Shots [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, anxiety sucks, brun needs a hug and a fluffy pillow, fluffy fluf, fuck mental illness, hug away problems, loki takes care of brun, panic attacks suck, talk no jitsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 20:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gummyyummy156/pseuds/Lazy%20Cat%20Corner
Summary: She’s hyperventilating.Everything around her feels muffled. Her heart is pounding and for whatever reason, she can’t get enough oxygen in her brain. Why does every nerve in her tingle when her flashbacks come?It’s been over a thousand years, and there’s no way Brunhilde will ever live a life without feeling like she is back on the battlefield and fighting for her sister’s lives.





	Let Me Take Care of You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a prompt I did called, "let me take care of you". Since it ended up being over 1k I just threw it in the pile on this account. LMAO enjoy.

She’s hyperventilating.

Everything around her feels muffled. Her heart is pounding and for whatever reason, she can’t get enough oxygen in her brain. Why does every nerve in her tingle when her flashbacks come?

It’s been over a thousand years, and there’s no way Brunhilde will ever live a life without feeling like she is back on the battlefield and fighting for her sister’s lives.

Everything reminds her of that day. The way the clustered bodies around her are shuffling and blocking her view. A merchant drops a chunk of metal and lets it scrape across the pavement. Her spine tingles at the long and drawn out creak it makes. Brun tries not to cover her nose at the overstimulating smells in the crowd. A musky blend of everyone’s odors with unintelligible chattering in every direction.  

This is why she avoids crowded areas at all costs, but she had to step off the ship. She had to walk through the congested village. It is her job to serve the court of Asgard and escort Thor to the palace of the planet they landed.  If they want to negotiate with their leader for any aid, she has to.

Brun stops mid-step when Thor freezes on the last step of the palace. He turns to Brun and eyes her carefully.

“Brunhilde, I want you to wait out here. Keep an eye out on the perimeter.” The King turns around and leads the rest of the Asgard court inside the palace without another word.

Brun walks over to the corner of the steps and perches herself up on the ledge. She was wrong about the older Odinson. He’s more perceptive than she thought. If her whole body wasn’t shaking, she might have protested. She would have told him that she’s not weak. That she can handle a stupid fleeting thought. That everything is all in her head and it’s nothing compared to fighting off a real threat.

Unfortunately, there was a high probability that Brun was unable to utter a single word without her voice cracking like some pitiful child. Everything inside her feels so frightening, she couldn’t even lie.  

Brun huffs out an aggravated breath and feels tears streaming down her nose and pattering over her hand.

“Are you having another panic attack?”

Brun flinches and almost throws the person who snuck up behind her over the ledge. She glances up at Loki’s sullen expression and quickly turns away. Hoping for her tears to dry up soon.

“You’re supposed to be inside with your brother. The leader of this planet will be suspicious if Asgard’s ex-convict is nowhere in sight,” Brun scolds.  

Loki steps one foot out and carefully stands beside her. Every step he makes is slow and deliberate, almost a silent request for her permission. When Brun remains quiet and does not react, he takes it as a “yes” and sits next to her. He’s sure to give her a few inches of space. A kind gesture so she knows he’s not here to corner her.

“I sent out a projection,” he speaks gently, “this isn’t the first negotiation and my presence is hardly needed. I’m only there to show the planet we are not a threat.”

Brun keeps her focus on a group of children playing an odd game she doesn’t know. She begins to wonder if any of them have ever seen horror. Perhaps the most scared they’ve ever felt was when one of them told an absurd story about a spirit haunting their closets. She hopes she’s right and each and every one of them can come home to a warm place of comfort. That they have someone they can hug and snuggle away any dark thoughts in their head.  

“Brun,” A feeling of shock waves through her. It’s the first time Loki addresses her informally outside of the bedroom. “Forgive me for being so familiar, but- I know. I truly know. Everyone here has an idea about your panic attacks. I’m impressed my own brother could tell, but even he doesn’t see how it truly affects you,” Loki’s voice drops down to a whisper. “But, I do.”

Brun scowls at Loki. How dare he assume he knows all her problems. He has hardly seen the worst of her panic attacks. Just because she lets him in her bed every now and again, he suddenly believes he’s seen all her layers.

Loki can see the look of hurt on Brun and gently bites down on his tongue. He hoped he wouldn’t have to bring this up, but if he were to ever get through to her, this might be the only way.

“The first night,” Loki nods, “was when I first heard you scream. It jolted me awake and I thought someone broke in and slid a knife across you. When I turned to you, nobody was there. Your eyes were shut tight and you were clutching your chest. My seidr didn’t detect any physical harm, so there was only one explanation.” Valkyrie shudders. He answers what she was thinking, “You were having a nightmare. I didn’t want to wake you. It would only make it worse. So, all I did was watch. I waited for it to pass. I held my breath until I saw the crease on your forehead smooth away and I thought about comforting you when you woke up.” Loki looks down and fidgets with the sleeve of his jacket. “I couldn’t do it. I knew you would feel so embarrassed if you knew it woke me up. Before you opened your eyes, I closed mine. I pretended to be asleep and made you think you had a quiet nightmare that time.”    

Brun can feel her heartbeat quicken. How could she have been so careless? She was sure that all those times, she was lucky and avoided anything serious enough for him to notice. When all along, Loki was watching by her side. Probably feeling sorry for the pathetic ex-warrior who can’t even keep her mind together at night. This whole time, he was just too polite to say anything and kept that little secret to himself.

Before she makes a bigger fool of herself, Brun stands up and faces Loki. Loki follows and keeps himself at a safe distance. Loki puts his palms up, a pleading look on him. He is immediately interrupted when Brun grabs him by the collar and shoves him against the wall.

“You don’t get to talk!” She bares her teeth. “You’re in my bed because _I allow it_!” Brun starts shaking and loosens her grip. “I-I don’t need your pity. You’re not just some pet I will pick up whenever I feel sad.” Brun’s words begin to make less sense as she huffs. “I am fine! I don’t-I’m not-it’s not- hurt. I’m not hurting. I’m not hurting!”

Loki wraps his arms tightly around Brun and the ground underneath her shimmers. They’re back on the ship and in her room. She feels caged in Loki’s embrace. She pushes herself off him and backs up against the metal wall. Brun reaches down and pulls out her dagger.

She points her dagger in front of Loki. “Wh-what are you doing? Send me back! Send me back right now!” She shouts.

Loki keeps his distance and remains calm. “Brun, I don’t want to fight you. Just listen-

“No!” She steps forward and swipes her dagger. Loki leans back and grasps her wrist. He bumps her elbow and she loses her grip. Loki catches her dagger and holds it out.

He pushes Brun against the wall and keeps his voice controlled.

“I’ll give it back after you listen.” Brun nudges him back and he keeps his grip firm. “Just listen,” he demands.

Brun considers kneeing him and throwing him out by the throat. Even if she threw him out, he’s too persistent to let this go. She grips the hand he has over her and shoves him off.

“Fine. What do you want?”  

Loki straightens his jacket and pockets her knife.

“Stop trying to handle this yourself!” Brun narrows her eyes at his comment. Loki notices his forceful tone and lets out a breath, “No, that’s not what I meant. What I mean is, you don’t have to handle this yourself.” The words are almost impossible to say, but Loki forces them out before it’s too late. “Let _me help_. Don’t you trust me already? I don’t even mean because of the sex, I mean after all those times you’ve helped me. After all those times you’ve helped everyone else. For once, let _me help you_! I- Loki pauses and balls up his fists. “I want to take care of you,” his voice lightens. “I don’t know why. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t want to, but I do. It’s not out of pity. It’s not to clear any blood off my hands, either. Those reasons sound more like myself if I’m being honest.

“If you ever get another panic attack. If you ever feel like you need to run off, I want you to come to me. So you can have someone to remind you what is real. Where you are and what’s important. Just- let me help.”

Loki’s eyes are brighter than usual. He has a pleading look in his eyes. Brun is sure that he would get on his knees and beg if she asked him to. Even she’s not that cruel. And a part of her thinks it’s a good idea to take his help, anyway. She silences that part of her brain and speaks up.

“I appreciate the monologue I’m sure you put a lot of thought into, but I don’t need it. I’ve been handling my panic attacks since before you were born.” Brun crosses her arms at the realization of who the older one is. “Since I ran the ship dry of liquor, it’s been…harder to handle it. But-

“But let me do that until you get your hands on another bottle of brandy,” Loki interrupts. “You said so yourself. It’s harder without the liquor. Well, let me help with that.”

“Why?” She breathes.

“I already told you. I don’t know,” He lies. Perhaps he does know, but he’s not ready to even tell her why. “But, you already use me to numb your problems away. Consider this another part of the deal.”

“The deal?”

“It’s an expression.” He drawls.

“I know what an expression is,” Brun counters.

“You’re missing the point! Nobody has to know. Just like they don’t know I come to your room at night. In fact, that’s why I brought us here. So anything we say doesn’t leave these walls.” Loki takes a cautious step closer and keeps his focus. “I can feel you right now. You haven’t stopped trembling and your breathing isn’t slowing down. I’m right here, Brun. Just take it already.” Loki keeps his posture upright and ever so slightly opens up his arms.

Brun feels dizzy at the circles her head has been running around. The part of her that wants to keep fighting is getting weaker and pleading for her to stop. For someone who was born into a family made of ice, Loki looks really warm at the moment. She takes a step forward and closes the gap between. Brun slides her hands up his neck and pulls him lower.

Loki remains still. His hands at his side. Waiting for an invitation. An order or something so that he knows she won’t push him away, again. He tries not to let her know he can feel her shaking as she grasps him. Her warm brown eyes have dimmed and look almost glassy.

Brun’s voice is quiet and quivers when she speaks. “Ever since I finished the last bottle in the bar, I have been feeling _everything_ ,” she confesses. “It feels like all the walls I’ve built inside myself broke open and flooded everything around me. I thought I got over my fear of crowds in Sakaar. Turns out, I only thought I did because I was intoxicated the entire time.” Her throat tightens up when she feels Loki’s steady breaths and look of interest at every word she mutters.

“I didn’t fix a damn thing and it took until now for me to realize it. If that doesn’t prove how incompetent and inadequate of a Valkyrie I am, then I don’t think you know what it means to be of the Valkyrior,” she bites.

Loki reaches up and gently rests his hands above Brun’s wrists. Slowly, he moves his hands down her arm and winds it around her back. He remains still and waits for her to react. It’s up to Brun to tell him what to do.

Brun feels her stomach clench and leans forward. Loki folds his arms and pulls her in deep his chest. Brun moves her hands and hooks them underneath his arms. She doesn’t feel trapped, like the way he gripped her before. She feels warm. Her heartbeat is still fast and her breathing hasn’t slowed down. But she has never felt this safe in ages. It’s a feeling she could easily get addicted to.

Loki wants to say something. He wants to tell her she’s wrong and the most amazing person the Norns have blessed him with, but he knows better than to. It’s not his place. It’s not what she wants to hear. For now, he will let her take. Like The Grandmaster’s stash, she will drink him dry until she’s sated. Maybe that means he holds her like this for hours on end. Or maybe he bites and licks every last inch of her naked body until her trembling turns into steady pulses. Nevertheless, what he wants is not important.  

Brun lets out a sigh and pulls Loki on her bed. They remain curled up and listen to the creaks and groans of the ship. She lets her exhaustion take over and feels a wave of relief. It’s not a home, technically, but it feels like a place of comfort. Perhaps, she too can hug away any dark thoughts in her head.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to say hi to me on [Tumblr!](http://lazy-cat-corner.tumblr.com/) That’s where most of my shenanigans take place.


End file.
